Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize