As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
