you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
