So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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