Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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