I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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