I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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