i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
