this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize