Will you blow on my dice?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
