what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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