Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.