FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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