i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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