Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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