Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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