It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
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If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
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Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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