i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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