like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
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Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
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He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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