OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
