you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
