I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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