I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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