My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I deserve to be covered in dicks
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize