I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
