the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
