just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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