i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
