the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
