she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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