seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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