Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
