I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
