We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
