Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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