So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
