I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I need to sanitize my soul.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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