As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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