I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
