Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
