I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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