Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
