I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
