dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
