Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
do nipples grow back?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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