i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
