i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
