I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
