I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
