Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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