from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
