Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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