woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
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He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I love you.
Bad choice
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