He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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