Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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