I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
