i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
